Public Service Announcement: How to understand behaviors of “The Athlete”.

by Jennie

Public Service Announcement:

How to understand behaviors of “The Athlete”.


Do these phrases sound familiar?

“Excuse me miss, can you put extra spinach on that Subway sandwich?”

“Today my morning heart rate is high, so I am going to play it safe.”

“Ahhhh Yesssss, new pavement feels so good.”

“I have/had/don’t want to get compartment syndrome/mono/your cold”

“I wonder if they will sponsor me…?”

“I only eat Greek Yogurt; it has more protein.”

If you have heard any of these at some point, you may have “an athlete” in your life. Athletes are a strong yet a socially vulnerable breed. Due to this, they may cause you lifestyle stress, and raise questions regarding how to react to their behavior. Based upon their fragile psyche, “an athlete” may not explain their actions, but slowly develop into a hermit. Below are some consistent behaviors and various stipulations that may arise if your friend or loved one likes to be called “an athlete”.

  1. If you don’t exercise with them, you probably haven’t hung out together in awhile. That being said, they still want to be your friend. Not hearing from them doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want you in their life. It just means they are probably working out, preparing to workout, recovering from a workout, or working so that they can keep their lifestyle of working out.
  2.  If you don’t want to workout with them, feeding them/eating healthy food together is a close second best way to hang out.
  3. If their exercise can’t happen due to life events/injury or illness/work/family/etc., then you can always assume that inside they are sadly pouting. They may outwardly be happy, but if they seem off, then 84% possibility this is why.
  4. If they are healthy and can workout, then chances are they are a relatively happy human. Exercise = it’s a good day. No exercise (unless it’s a rest day) = bad day.
  5. If they are upset/angry/depressed/anxious/worried: encourage them to go exercise. On a scale ranking 1-10, studies show that they will return from their habitat being at least two points higher on the positivity spectrum.
  6. If they are sick or injured and can not exercise, they will deeply appreciate and remember anything you do to aid them in returning to a physically functioning state.
  7. They like to eat protein, yet will constantly be concerned about not eating enough greens or drinking enough water.
  8. If you date one, they will want to somehow secretly test how strong/fit you are. Godspeed.
  9. If you date one, there will be relationship issues if you can’t, at least vaguely, keep up.
  10. They have more water bottles kicking around than wine glasses. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want a drink every so often.
  11. They don’t want to party with you every weekend. That’s when competitions are held. Sleep is important, and expect early Saturday morning alarm clocks.
  12. Their “off-season” is eye opening to those who know “the athlete”. That is when they let loose, and many attempt to break all rules to dispense bottled up season angst. According to the Code of Ethics section 4.d,  they have one-two months to make up for “lost time.” Be warned, this breed is intense in everything they do…

Hopefully this PSA will answer the lingering concerns brought forth by “the athletes” family, friends, co-workers, and NARPS (non athletic regular people),  as well as direct you towards how you too, might become an athletic hermit.

*Disclaimer: non of these statistics are actual stats. Have a great day.

– Jennie Bender


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